Današnji članak bit će a slightly different one. Jedna udarna doza engleskog s ključnim riječima koje će obogatiti tvoj engleski, ali ti možda dati i a word of advice kako je moguće odmoriti se i napredovati at the same time. This one is on a very personal note. Let’s go!
I don’t know if it was motherhood or starting my own business but both opened up a big can of worms. And by „a can of worms“ I mean „kašeta brokava“ at least that’s how we say it here in Dalmatia. The challenges of marriage, becoming a mom, and then deciding to run a business were so overwhelming that I was starting to think I needed to coin a new word for how terrible I was feeling. I was overworked, stressed, and turning into the worst version of myself. Yes, all of these things were all I had wished for, but soon I started feeling flat-out burned out, and definitely not the mother, the friend, the wife I wanted to be. Coming from a background where your worth equals the number of sacrifices you make and the amount of work you get done, I was struggling to wrap my head around my mentor’s advice to schedule fun and put myself first. So selfish, I thought.
How can I, an adult with so much expected of me, plan fun and me time ? Delegate, ask for help? Doesn’t that mean I’m incapable of doing it all on my own? My thinking was that I’m supposed to please and meet everyone’s needs and that lack of sleep can and must be fixed by upping by coffee. But I realized that resisting my needs only made my frustration and desires louder and louder. The saying „You can’t pour from an empty cup!“ rang more true than ever.
You truly can’t.
Out of terrible desperation, and feelings of guilt and overwhelm, I started making different, wiser choices. More efficient ones. The ones that meant doing less, but achieving more. I started asking for help which was so hard, not because I was a control freak or afraid of letting things go. No, I was never that type, but more because any type of change is hard, even if a routine is bad it’s still your routine, right? I was beginning to question the idea that working hard and being modest equaled worth, and that being modest meant I was good. None of that was working for me anymore. If me being modest, me neglecting my own needs is the only way others around me could profit, bloom and flourish, it could only mean two things: Either I was surrounded by the wrong people who need me to serve them all the time or my way of thinking was wrong.
Of course, it was my thinking that needed fixing.
I started asking for help and by help I don’t mean here and there. I mean systematic, every day help from my parents and a bigger engagement from my husband. I started not just scheduling time with the kids, but also with my friends and my husband. My obligations were organized better and because they were scheduled I wasn’t overwhelmed by any of them.
Oh, and did I mention a called up a friend to help me find a cleaning lady to help around the house?
The shift was and still is hard. But I’m already seeing that whenever my needs are met, everyone else also profits from it.
I’ve started being nicer to myself and better to my loved ones. I started giving from a place of peace, love and calm rather than obligation.
Sure, I love the special events and days of the year, but our life is mostly made up of regular, day-to-day things so I hope you too make sure to have them well planned out.
Piše: Anđela Kraljević, AMOS, obrt za poduku i prevođenje
